A BOY AND HIS BOTNET

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The end of homework

Wait! Now hold up... I know what you are saying... You're saying, "Billy, dont do it!! Billy, you'll get caught! Billy, you'll go to jail!" Well, thanks for your concern, but Billy Da GradeSmith has it under control. I know what I am doing.


I have read all the stories about those noobass peeweehackers getting caught and thrown in jail. This will not happen to Billy, for a number of reasons...


1) Billy is the l33t3st haXXor this side of 4chan

2) I will only be changing my own grades, unlike some dipsh1ts out there

3) The entire responsibility for IT security at my school rests squarely on the inadequate shoulders of the hapless techno-weenier, Mr. Dunn

4) As a whole, the Franklin High faculty are completely clueless about anything more technologically complicated than MS Word

5) Billy is the l33t3st haXXor this side of bangkok


Now, I just need to get a dump of teacher login and passwords. It would not look that convincing if my English teacher updated my History grades....

- more news as my GPA improves...


POSTED BY BILLY AT 9:03 PM  

LABELS: 4CHAN, GPA, GRADES, MR DUNN, SCHOOL NETWORK

SUNDAY, MARCH 2, 2012

Now, I realize that complicated things must be dumbed down for public consumption, but there is no excuse for the movie Hackers.

Hollywood sucks ba11s...

Hollywood Sux ba11s!

I hate to spoil the fantasies of all the widdle childrens out there, but hacking does not involve flying around through a neon virtual city with directory contents displayed in blinking letters on the sides of luminescent glass building. Hackers do not banter about screen refresh rates and say things like "RISC is good." Hackers do not all roam around the inner-city on rollerblades, going to funky techno club/arcades.


This is not a hacker and this is not their life.


And for FUX SAKE!, there are no (and I mean zero, zilch, nada, none) hacker girls out there who look like Angelina Jolie and wear skin tight leather every day. If this is what the hacking subculture was like, every teenage boy would aspire to it.


Hackers are, as a rule, pale flabby creatures with no social life. We often wear sunglasses, but not to look cool. We wear them because our screen-fatigued eyes are light sensitive from all night hackathons. We do not have girlfriends or, if we do, they are not puffy-lipped supermodel types. They generally have to be on the lower end of the attractiveness scale to go out with hunch-backed goblins like us.


Hacking as an activity is less like a cool space-age flight sim and more like a grueling, late night sloth through endless lines of code. It is port scanning, password scripting, code crunching and other mind numbing activities. If I were to try to give it a metaphor, targeted hacking is like a june bug relentlessly banging its head into a window in the hopes of finding a (usually non-existent) hole.


However, I dont think that would have made a good movie visual...


Now you ask, "Why, if this is such a dull and painful task? Why, oh god, why do you do it??" And I will tell you. It is the sensation of illicit power.


Have you ever rifled though someones drawers when you were supposed to be housesitting? Have you ever thrilled at reading someone else's mail? Have you ever been in a position of invisible power with the ability to scrutinize someone's most personal secrets?


This is why we do it. There is something exhilarating about breaking in and seeing everything... about having the power to push a button and crush someones life... In the end, hacking is just an exercise in ego construction.


Now.. Hollywood, make a movie about that. Make a movie about the real life of hackers, both good and bad. Include the tedium of hacking and the guilty pleasure of success. That is a movie I would watch...


POSTED BY BILLY AT 10:15 PM 7 COMMENTS  


LABELS: BULLSH1T, HACKERS, HOLLYWOOD, MOVIE

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 29, 2012

Annoying ad update...

Alright, everybody... I apologize for the wildly irritating inline adds that have been showing up on this blog for a while. I just changed my preferences to remove them so they should be gone shortly.


Now that they are 86ed, please feel free to click on the text links in the body of my posts. They will go to interesting and relevant pages having to do with the post... Not paid ad links. This links are other blog posts, wikipedia entries, and occasionally humorous pictures.


The links are meant to enrich the experience of the reader, not piss them off. Sorry...


Oh yea.. and COWER IN IMPOTENT HUMILIATION, YOU HAPLESS DWOOBS!!! I SHALL CRUSH YOUR PATHETIC SECURITY SYSTEMS BENEATH THE STEEL-TOED BOOTS OF MY BOTHEAMOTH!!! HAHAHHAHHAHAA!!!


- more to come (sans inline irritation)


POSTED BY BILLY AT 7:16 PM 0 COMMENTS  


LABELS: BDWOOBS, INLINE ADS, SORRY

Update on the new girl...

I was right, of course. Mr. Dunn(ce) asked me to help the new girl with her project as she came in at the middle of the semester and was a bit behind. Now I realize that I may be laboring under a severe misconception, but I thought teaching the students was HIS job, not mine.


Oh well... Emily is certainly cute enough and sitting in close proximity to her for 90 minutes is not all that bad...


Anyways... I was going over the very basics of Pascal, trying to get her caught up when I got a bit of a shock...


Em: "Why the hell are we working in Pascal? This is retarded."


Me: "I dunno. Supposedly, it is the easiest language to learn, being really close to plain english."


Em: "Yeah, well I might as well be learning Fortran for all the good it will do me. I figured we would be using C++ or Java at least. Is this like some weird History of Programming course or something?"


Me: "No, I dont think so... But, Mr. Dunn is not exactly the most current guy when it comes to technology..."


Em: "Obviously a great choice for a Computer Science teacher... meh.."


Me: "Did you just say 'meh'?"


Em: "Yes, I did."


Some of the oddest sh1t I ever heard coming out of a girl's mouth. Turns out preppy little Emily actually has pretty firm grasp of C++ and basic coding. I showed her to the Pacsal function lookup Mr. Dunn gave us and she was off. No more help required...


Strange thing I saw as I left her desk, though. In the front of her binder, smack dab in the middle was "HAXX0RZ R0XX0RZ!!!"


Maybe she is not a whitebread as I thought...


POSTED BY BILLY AT 5:21 PM 0 COMMENTS   


LABELS: EMILY, HAXX0RS, LEET, NEW GIRL

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2012

Faculty PWNED !11!!1

“A thing of beauty is a joy forever; its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness”

- John Keats


Today in home room, I heard the most insanely cool thing ever!!! Ms. Nguyen was at her desk, apparently checking her teacher email, when she uttered something in Vietnamese that did not sound too polite. Then she got on the phone to what I assume was our school IT guy (probably Dunn). What follows is a rough transcript of the phone call...


Ms. Nguyen: "Hello, Jeff? This is Ms. Nguyen. I am having an email problem. I have over 200 emails from the most..."


[pause]


Ms. Nguyen: "Everybody? You're kidding. Well, how in the world did this..."


[long pause]


Ms. Nguyen: "Well, I certainly didn't sign up for them! And I doubt that anyone else..."


[long pause]


Ms. Nguyen: "Oooohhhhhh... But how would someone even get access to that?"


[long pause]


Ms. Nguyen: "Well, I don't know about all that, but we need to do something immediately! This is completely inappropriate for a school enviroment..... [pause] Jeez! I just refreshed me email and it's not over 240 messages!!! This is ridic..."


[pause]


Ms. Nguyen: "Fine. Then let me know when it is fixed. I am certainly not sorting through 240 of these filthy emails to find the latest faculty bulletin."


[pause]


Ms. Nguyen: "Fine. Let me know. Goodbye."


HAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAHAHA AAHAHHAAH !!! PWNED!!! THE PWNAGE IS IMMENSE!!!!


I admit, this is not exactly taking over the world, but it is a first step... And, i showed those teacher n00bs who is boss... KAPOWEEEE!


- more to come...


POSTED BY BILLY AT 4:47 PM 2 COMMENTS


LABELS: MS NGUYEN, PWNAGE, SPAM, SUCCESS, TEACHER, TOWING ORLANDO

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2012

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DISCLAIMER

TO ALL INTERESTED LEGAL AUTHORITIES, GOVERNMENT AGENCIES, AND INTERNET WATCHDOGS... THIS IS A FICTITIOUS STORY ABOUT A YOUNG BOY AND HIS SILLY ASS ATTEMPTS AT TAKING OVER THE WORLD WITH HIS BOTNET. THERE IS NO BOTNET, THERE IS NO HACKING, THERE IS NO ILLEGAL ACTIVITY. I HOPE YOU CONSIDER THIS BEFORE SENDING UP ANY RED FLAGS.

IF YOU ARE CONCERNED DESPITE THIS WARNING, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME FOR MORE INFORMATION AT BILLY4PREZ@GMAIL.COM

The end of homework...

I was digging around in the school network today when I discovered something interesting... an application called QuickGrades.

TUESDAY, MARCH 4, 2012

What the hell is a muscle nerd?...

So I finally come to understand that spending most of the day hacking on the computer has basically made me fat. I was never super skinny but now I am approaching the point where I can not get of of the chair easily. So I decided to do some research about training programs for how to get a six pack and how to lose weight while just sitting in a chair. That’s when I came across this guy:

What is he holding and why his he convulsing? It’s a power ball. This hand held gyro scope that you spin around in your hand while holding still. It apparently suppose to prevent carpel tunnel, burn calories and build up your arm muscles. I ordered one and found it to be rather tricky to get started. There is a jump starter sting that you insert and yank out to get the momentum rolling. I found that about 1200 rpm is needed to get it running. It took a while but I have finally been able to get it started without the string.

Using it is such a odd feeling. Once the power ball gets above the 3000 rpm range it gets more and more difficult to hang on to. Imagine you are trying to hold onto a baseball that has a string coming out of the top that is attached to another baseball at the end. The faster you get it going the baseball that you are swinging around slowly gets heavier until it feels like you are whirling around a bowling ball. Anyway it has blinking lights so I approve.

The other thing I have been conscious about is my stomach. I am trying to get out of the house more frequently and want to learn how to get a six pack. There has been a few sites that I found have some decent information about fitness. The funniest one I have run into was getfreakingsixpackabs.com mainly because of the extreme sarcasm and surprisingly good information. Since doing research I have stopped eating at fast food places and drink a dump load more water.

“Billy why are you doing this?”

Well. Billy needs to get laid. Remember that certain girl I was semi interested in?  Yeah I would like to do something about that. Hacking facebook profiles only gets me so far. When it comes to this real life thing I would like to become a built nerd… a muscle nerd if you will. Yeah. I like that… Billy the muscle nerd. Just need to figure out how to hack my body into looking good.

POSTED BY BILLY AT 2:39 PM 0 COMMENTS  

LABELS: MUSCLE NERD, POWERBALL, HOW TO GET ABS, GET LAID



SUNDAY, AUGUST 4, 2012

This Boy Finally Landed A Job?...

Although I have not given up on taking over the world, I have been awfully busy. Hacking has it’s perks but unless you are really good and working for the government there is no money in it. Paying rent and living expenses sucks. I decided to quit my old job delivering pizza to try and find something a bit more in my line of work. So I just landed a new job when I recently moved to Florida. Well maybe not a real job just yet, but I am interning at a certain orlando web design company for the next 6 months.

It is a paid internship at least. I have been more active then what I was originally thinking. They don’t have me run out and do bull crap errands, I actually have been doing a good amount of html code and design work. When I was going to school I was majoring in graphic design anyways so this worked out great. (No I did not finish my degree due to a particular incident)

Who needs degrees anyways…

Anyways I am learning so much on the job in comparison to what was taught in my college classes. HTML5 is pretty awesome and simple to work with. The main program used for website design is Serif Webplus. I like so much better then Dreamweaver. It’s really just like using a drag and drop interface. I just wish I found this software years ago.

The company is called Blue Octopus and everyone here seems pretty chill so far. They are rather trusting because I was given access to the entire company data base. (Which is no fun because I do not feel like I have earned it) I really don’t know what I would do with it anyways.

The past couple of weeks I have been designing banners and customizing pictures. The most difficult thing I have found so far is resizing the images. I pull a massive png file from the web and when I shrink it there is distortion. I have to optimize it with another program before pulling it into Serif.

It is a heck of a lot hotter here then it was in Canada. The other day I was driving to work and there was a giant freaking lizard crossing the road. If I hit it I surely would have died. Later I found out it was an alligator. Apparently they are everywhere in Florida.

POSTED BY BILLY AT 2:31 PM 0 COMMENTS  

LABELS: WEB DESIGN, NEW JOB, ALLIGATORS, INTERNSHIP


SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2012

Billy gets a JOB!

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2013

God Damn Patent Trolls…

So as you probably remember from my previous post, I have been interning at an orlando web design firm. I like it here, the people are nice enough and the pay is decent. Most everyday is stress free… until a few days ago. I had designed a site for a small veterinary hospital late last year and I was proud of it because it was one of my first jobs. When designing it I had pulled the images from various public domains and cross checked the registration with a program called tineye.com. Apparently this technique is not 100% because my client got a extortion letter in the mail from a large image corporation… I don’t wish to say their name so I will makes something up and call them Smetty images. The letter was not only a notice of image take down but also demands a $1000.00 payment for the unauthorized use of the image. Screw that.

God Damn Patent Trolls...

God damn patient trolls. After freaking out I did some research a buddy of mine who is also a orlando personal injury lawyer. We found that this is a large income source for image corporations. They charge a substantial amount for “licensing” a single image. A common image averaged about $400 dollars for a year. Now, I would understand if this was an image that was being mass produced or placed up on a giant billboard, but really? Most web designers do not have the budget to even think about spending that much on a single image!

Anyways, what they do is use programs to crawl the Internet for their images. When they find one and it is not registered in their system, they send out an extortion letter. It is full of an FAQ of what to do and usually demands between $1000 and $2000 dollars for “copyright infringement” which is total bullshit. They do not own the copyrights to these images, they are licensing them from the original photographer. But why that exact amount of money?

It is just enough money to make it not worth it to hire a lawyer. So a lot of small businesses just freak out and pay without doing research. However if you do your research you will find this is happening to people all over the US. I can’t wait to see them show up in the news for extortion practices. If you don’t pay up they most likely will not sue but they will send you to a pretend collections agency that will pester you for two years. More on this later…

POSTED BY BILLY AT 12:31 PM 0 COMMENTS  

LABELS: WEB DESIGN, PATENT TROLLS, BAD ASS LAWYERS, SCUMMY IMAGE CORPORATIONS